Sexual Aftercare: How To Ask for the Aftercare You Need
Hey lovelies!
Had a good week so far?
We’re exploring what sexual aftercare is. If you haven’t yet read the previous posts, we highly suggest you do. Here are the links:
Sexual Aftercare: What Is It and Why You Need It
Sexual Aftercare: Benefits, Types, and Is It for You?
Ready to know how to ask for the sexual aftercare you need and the essentials in your aftercare kit? We got you covered :)
Communication + Aftercare
There’s a definite way that aftercare can go wrong and that’s when there’s no communication. Even — arguably, especially — when it’s a casual hook-up, you want to make sure boundaries and needs are clear. Tell your sexual partner what you need and what it means to you. Ask them if they can provide this for you and respect their boundaries. They can say no, and you can re-evaluate whether their boundaries are in alignment with yours.
Keep in mind, some partners might also need to reevaluate what your relationship status is after a sexual encounter. This is normal, sometimes even a result of the chemical rush in the body. “After-sex rituals really should be mindful of the style of relationship that you’re in,” says Certified Intimacy Educator, Shan Boodram. Keep it honest and friendly; they’ll thank you.
If you don’t know how to ask for the aftercare you need or how to get the conversation going, you can try the following templates provided by submissive Lina Dune on DIPSEA:
💬 Do you know what aftercare is?
💬 Aftercare is a requirement for me after sex. Do you think we could take a few minutes afterward to check in and cuddle?
💬 After sex sometimes I can feel ______ if I don’t take a minute with my partner to process.
💬 I know the last couple times we haven’t done this, but I’ve realized aftercare is something I need even after a casual hookup.
At Watts The Safe Word, they summed it up perfectly: “aftercare should never be an afterthought, and it should always be communicated.”
Aftercare Kit
Whether you are into intense BDSM play or the most vanilla sex ever, having an aftercare kit is never a bad idea. On the contrary, it allows you to make sure you and your partner(s) are well taken care of.
Below are some ideas by psychologist and mistress Kashiko Black, but feel free to add anything that might suit your or your partner’s specific needs. Asking your partner beforehand what they need after sex can help you to be prepared.
✅ Warm socks
✅ Sterilization/wet wipes
✅ Incense/scented candles
✅ Journal
✅ Stuffed animal
✅ Vitamin E/K cream or Arnica gel
✅ Small snack
✅ Water/sports drink bottle
✅ Ice/Heat pack
✅ First Aid supplies
✅ Blanket/bathrobe
✅ Change of warm, comfortable clothes
In the following posts, we’ll share how to determine the aftercare you need. We understand it can be overwhelming, so we’ll share easy writing prompts that’ll help you identify what aftercare you need.
Why Sexual Aftercare was originally published on My Sex Bio’s blog on June 15, 2021.
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