Sexual Aftercare: Benefits, Types, and Is It for You?
Hey there beautiful human!
Continuing our quest to share about sexual aftercare, here is a piece about the benefits and types of aftercare. We’ll also answer if sexual aftercare is suitable for you (yes, it is — aftercare is for everyone :)).
To know what is sexual aftercare, read our post Sexual Aftercare: What Is It and Why You Need It.
Benefits of Aftercare
Aftercare is an act of courtesy. According to sexologist Shamyra Howard as quoted on Well + Good, “during sex, chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin are released.” The fluctuation of these hormones, along with personal experiences and personalities can cause:
📉 Kink drop: In the BDSM world, it is said sex play can induce a trance-like state that puts the body in a fight-flight response which could end up being contradictory and dangerous, especially for the submissive parties in the dynamic (Dr. Dexter, ChicoMUNCH).
📉 Post-coital dysphoria: “PCD is the experience of negative affect characterized by tearfulness, a sense of melancholy or depression, anxiety, agitation, or aggression following sexual intercourse” (Schweitzer et al., 2015). AKA the sudden sadness you feel after sex.
📉 Trauma-triggered responses: During the sexual encounter, one of the parties involved could reenact past sexual traumatic events and as a result feel distressed with what just happened, even if it was consented to and with a trusted partner.
Ending a sexual experience abruptly can amplify the effects of any of the above responses; in which case, aftercare, according to submissive and writer Lina Dune, can help “soothe [one’s] nervous system, and allow [it] come back to [daily] life in a way that feels authentic” for all parties involved.
The Various Types of Aftercare
Sex is a whole experience. Being at our most vulnerable both mentally and physically can totally leave us in places that no other experience has the potential to. Whether there has been intense play or not, you might find yourself needing to receive and/or give any of the following:
Physical aftercare
🖐 Shower
🖐 Massage
🖐 Physical affection
🖐 Food and drinks
Emotional aftercare
🧠 Talking about the experience
🧠 Checking your partner’s alertness
🧠 Emotional regrounding
🧠 Regular check-ins even some days after the experience
🧠 Positive reinforcement
Aftercare is for everybody and for every relationship type.
Aftercare can be an intimate act but, “when it comes to sex, we all deserve to walk out the door afterward feeling emotionally whole and great about ourselves,” says sexologist Gigi Engle. Aftercare can be key to achieving that wholeness. Here are some things you or your partner(s) might need:
💞 Introverted partners might prefer to be left alone for a moment right after sex before engaging again. (No need to take it personally, extroverts!)
💞 If you are going solo or are in a long-distance relationship, you can use a weighted blanket after sexual intimacy or cuddle with an object that belongs to your loved one (or has their scent on it).
💞 Talking about it. Post-sexual shame and body issues are just some of many things that your partner might struggle with after your encounter. They might need some positive reinforcement and feedback from you.
💞 Cuddling. Everyone’s take on cuddling is different, however, you don’t need to be in a committed relationship with someone to cuddle with them after sex. One of you might just need some physical contact and the other might be able to provide it.
In the following posts, we’ll share how to ask for the aftercare you need and the essentials in your aftercare kit.
Why Sexual Aftercare was originally published on My Sex Bio’s blog on June 15, 2020.
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